Big Feelings, Gentle Guidance: Supporting Children’s Emotions and Behaviour

At Tops Day Nurseries, we believe that all behaviour is communication. Young children are still learning how to make sense of their big feelings, and it’s our job as adults to support them through this learning, with empathy, patience, and clear boundaries.

Rather than focusing on “managing behaviour,” we focus on coaching children through their emotions, helping them understand what they’re feeling and how to express it safely.

This approach, known as emotion coaching, builds lifelong skills like emotional regulation, problem-solving, and empathy – all key aspects of the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS).

What Is Emotion Coaching?

Emotion coaching is a way of responding to children’s feelings that helps them:

• Name and understand their emotions
• Feel seen and supported
• Learn how to manage big feelings in healthy ways

Instead of saying “Stop crying” or “Don’t be angry,” we might say:

“I can see you’re feeling really frustrated because it’s time to stop playing. That’s a hard feeling. I’m here to help.”

By naming the emotion, setting a clear boundary, and offering connection, we help children feel safe and learn more about themselves.

Why This Matters for Development

When adults respond to emotions with calm and connection, children learn:

• That all feelings are OK, but not all behaviours are
• That they can trust adults to help them through difficult moments
• That they can begin to self-regulate, with support
• That it’s safe to talk about feelings, rather than bottle them up

This supports the EYFS areas of:

• Personal, Social and Emotional Development (especially self-regulation and managing self)
• Communication and Language (talking about feelings and experiences)
• Understanding the World (developing empathy and social understanding)

How Families Can Use Emotion Coaching at Home

Here are some simple steps to try when your child is having a tricky moment:

1. Tune In – Notice the feeling underneath the behaviour. Is your child tired? Overwhelmed? Frustrated?
2. Connect Before You Correct – Get down to their level. Use a calm voice and soothing tone. “You’re having a hard time, I’m here.”
3. Name the Feeling – Try: “It looks like you’re feeling really disappointed,” or “Are you feeling cross because your toy broke?”
4. Hold the Boundary – You can validate the feeling while still being firm:
   “It’s OK to be angry. It’s not OK to hit. Let’s find another way to show your anger.”
5. Guide and Reflect – Later, when things are calm, talk about what happened. Problem-solve together or role-play different outcomes.

What About Tantrums or Challenging Behaviour?

Tantrums are a normal part of brain development. Young children don’t misbehave to be difficult; they act out because they’re overwhelmed and still learning.

Instead of punishment, we offer:

• Calm space
• Comfort
• Consistency
• Language to express what they’re feeling

This doesn’t mean letting children do whatever they like — it means holding kind, consistent boundaries, while understanding the emotions behind the behaviour.

A Gentle Reminder

Learning emotional regulation is a long process, and children need adults who will walk beside them, not rush them through. Our role isn’t to control children, it’s to coach, model, and guide.

At Tops, our practitioners use emotion coaching every day to help children build confidence, self-awareness, and resilience in a safe and loving environment.

Want to Learn More?

• Book Recommendation: The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
• Website: Emotion Coaching UK
• Free Resource: BBC Tiny Happy People: Emotions and Tantrums